It’s been a long time since I last wrote; the intensity of this summer left me feeling wired. Lots of responsibilities arose, including attending my first wedding as a photographer. On top of this, spending a week in my home land left me overall wanting to retreat from everything. I used to spend a lot of my free time working on photos and writing posts, but now it seems like all the free days that I have are spent trying to recover and bring myself back to balance. It is really tiring, especially as I want to be inspired and productive, but my body puts a stop to it. I am starting to believe that it is yet another part of our life cycle, a time of retreat where you delve into your true being. I’ve come to call it the incubation phase.
I noticed a while back that when you have a strong feeling of being disconnected from society (which normally occurs after wild camping, community experience, vision questing or any other similar activity), the tendency of the arising feeling is to run even further away from any media that puts us under pressure. Your body and spirit remembers a truer way of living, the ways of our ancestors; working hard, but always knowing when to retreat, supporting and helping one another instead of comparing our ways and earnings, and ingesting the poison of jealousy.
The week that we spent in Lithuania felt like a year in my head. Perhaps this is because we all had a strong sense of community, and were working towards one goal – creating a magical wedding for my sister and her partner. On the day of their union I truly felt like it was me getting married again! I experienced a fair bit of stress whilst running around with my camera, trying to capture all the beautiful moments. But witnessing my little sister leave the parents nest to fly out into the world and create her own, also made me tear up. It intensified greatly when we all went to a Native American campsite in the Lithuanian wilderness to celebrate the day.
We stayed there for three days, completely forgetting about our phones and the rest of the world’s existence. How could we think of the unnatural requirements and pressures of society, when we were able to play all day. There was swimming in wild river waters, jamming with other musicians, talking to horses and collecting wild thyme in the fields; before sleeping in tipis around a fire. I have to say it was the hardest return to ‘real’ life I’ve ever experienced.
Even after all of the magic, my soul was craving a retreat – time with myself to process everything that had happened. Of course, coming back to society always has its pitfalls. All the former responsibilities started weighing on my shoulders while I still couldn’t shake off a strong urge to just be on my own for a few days, undisturbed. It felt as if my whole body was going against me; fatigue set in, together with insensitive and self condemning thoughts. The world seemed threatening and the pressures of not feeling inspired caught up with me. I started taking chunks of time out of my day to disappear for a while. I would stop at the farm on my way home, or even hide in the bathroom at work. The time I was giving myself was not sufficient, but almost 3 weeks later I could feel myself recovering and slowly coming back to the surface.
I am a big believer that your body always indicates to you what is needed. Be it a specific food craving when you lack vitamins, or a retreat that your spirit yearns for so as to enable smooth inner growth. Your true being – the higher self, always speaks to you. Sometimes in very subtle, almost imperceptible ways, and sometimes loudly through difficult life experiences, pushing you to wake up. I know for one, that if I hadn’t given myself this tiny amount of time on a daily basis, I would have gone crazy by now. So listen closely and you will hear what is needed for you at this particular moment, your intuition is always guiding you to become the best version of your unique self. Love and light to you all. May you all hear the voice within. Ursule